Monday, December 26, 2011

One Year & Two Days Ago

December 24, 2010...
I heard a quote a few months ago, I read it again on my dear friend's refrigerator last week, and tonight it came back into my mind and this is what it whispered to me..."never make someone a priority in your life when you are just their option". I have done this many times throughout my life, we all have and like many of you, I believe in giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. The question is, how many benefits do you allow them? Seventy times seven? Again, that is what I have been taught. But there comes a time when you have to build a wall. A brick by brick project of protection. Contrary to what we have all read and been told, I believe that forming barriers of safety and solace for yourself can be a healthy undertaking. A labor of love for yourself. I think that the walls offer a kind and tender mercy with a promise to protect, comfort, and gift you with treasured time to think and ponder to become strong and stable again. Time out is a gift that we should afford ourselves more of. A period of pause and self reflection, remembering who you are and how much you are worth. After all, you must first love yourself. Isn't that, once again, what has been instilled in us by our mothers and fathers?

At the time is seemed meant to be, a relationship that was exciting and with promise, but something changed and you don't know what happened. It could have been with a new friend or an old loved one. People change. There was a time when they spoke to you with love and kindness and now it seems as though they suddenly lost interest in you. How very sad when that happens. How long do you endure it? Two days, two weeks, two years? It is heart breaking and hurtful and takes some time to recover from. But there is always another day, and each new one affords you strength to endure another, and one more after that. Remember this well and tell it to yourself when you are struggling through the pains of missing them..."Never ever make someone a priority in your life when you are just their option". Learn that lesson and be able to recognize it right away. Save yourself from the pain that comes from investing too much of your precious self into someone who doesn't value the gift of you. You are worth so much more. However, be careful and wise as when to allow those walls to be removed. If you leave them up for too long, there will never be a doorway for another to enter and love you the way you deserve to be loved and cherished. Walls should only be temporary. Keep them up just long enough to nurse your wounds and gain your strength back. Those walls, mighty and strong but oh-so-kind and forgiving will understand when it is time to break through them.

December 25, 2011
What a self revealing experience it is to go back and read ones own words from the past. Though faint and cloudy I do remember writing these detailed phrases a year and two days ago. Other than the overuse of commas and dot, dot, dots, what wise words that flowed for myself and a very special friend. A friend who walked hand in hand with me as we both healed from wounds that seemed would always remain open. To my dear friend, Kristi...thank you for your unconditional friendship, for never asking who, what, when and why, and for always loving me even though and just because. For the past 22 years you have never left my side and have been my constant.

As I sit and reflect on the past year, I think of all the wonderful someones that have blessed and touched my life. Because of the trials that have overwhelmed me this year, I am extra sentimental and appreciative of those special relationships. I am thankful for so many of you who have been a shining example of what a true friend is, especially those who have allowed me to make mistakes and loved me anyways. Those who never threaten that a bridge has been burned or needs mending. They that see me through a soft focus lens and recognize that in friendship a bridge can not and does not exist. Did I use too many commas again???

By the way, I still believe in and am thankful for the gentle reminder found in the words that I wrote a year and two days ago. I often forgot about them and at times foolishly took a brick or two down much too early. However, two very important things brought me back to reality, besides a good slap on my pink-glittered cheek! One unanswered prayer and one new one.

Now, my BFF may have made it to the finish line before me but she was waiting there ever so patiently with her pretty little smile, cheering me on the whole way! Sooooo...I can live with the silver. Her angelic self looks more beautiful than I do in gold! Oh! And those wounds that I thought would always remain open? Well, when I had finished the course that seemed to go round and round and have no ending, how excited I was to look in my mirror, mirror on the wall and notice that they had finally healed! I can't even see the scars. Small miracles...
xoxoxo

2 comments:

  1. I cried reading this..... I feel I'm an option to many ! I've broken down over it. It's hard for me to think I would give them my all.... Everything.... But for me- I get, well I'll see.... Maybe .... My family! I think if it weren't for my hubby n my boys always being there.... I would b in a padded room My mom, my sister, my daughter ...... All have let me down over n over. So I put up the walls.... Tired of being hurt..... But then my daughter posts on fb " my mom is such a bit€#, I nvr want anything to do with her" how do u recover from that?????
    Thank u for these posts.... I truly love reading your writings!!!! I am slowly learning how to NOT make everyone my priority

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